Rya Brean

Disputatious

1. fond of or causing heated arguments.

   "a congenial hangout for disputatious academics"

The thing is, you probably have all the information you need already, you just can't bring yourself to sit down and listen to it, so you just keep chain-smoking podcasts and youtube videos, never really thinking, knowing deep down that the answers you seek are in the silence you're avoiding

Adumbrate

1. report or represent in outline.

   "they have adumbrated the importance of education as a means of social transformation"

   • indicate faintly.

     "the walls were not more than adumbrated by the meager light"

   • foreshadow or symbolize.

     "what qualities in Christ are adumbrated by the vine?"

Philippic

a bitter attack or denunciation, especially a verbal one.

"the lecture was a tremendous philippic against our culture

I’ve had moments where I felt strong, like lightning in my bones—like when I testified against my abusive ex and saw him go to jail. When I was running drills in fire school, sweaty and focused and too stubborn to quit. Even when it didn’t end the way I wanted, I knew I was becoming something.

Now, I’m in the in-between. I live with my parents again

“It was uncomfortable to Merritt when she considered how readily she now marked time this way, how every event in her history seemed to plant itself only in proximity to his suicide.”

“Because even now, five —could it really be five? — years later, she didn’t actually feel all that much better about it. Not really — not enough — but what could possi