Catherine Howard

This very brief (and bastardised) history of the body reminds us that these trends are always changing and the body is political. It is a canvas for cultures to pin its systems and values.

At this time, high moral character was trending and the era believed the body was keeping score of it. Thinness became associated with the highly valued traits of

in small town tennessee, i grew up surrounded by depictions of traditional feminity shaped through religious subtexts. certain religious environments praise suppression as virtuous. in the context of my life, the more i was able to quell desire, the more faithful i felt to god. on a larger societal level, suppression for women is viewed as even

it feels like the first time

to experience love feels fullest, i feel such romance in friendship.

i think i live a romantic life; it is all.

in reality, i am realizing i value beauty, love, & romance. romance of all things! i gulp.

am i a romantic? is this queerness? is this love? is this the point?

love feels like god.

it consumes & inspires. oh my.

oh

to love purely is to consent to distance, it is to adore the distance between ourselves and that which we love.

simone weil

“My experience of letting go feels very much like being a trapeze artist.  Much like the moment when the breath is completely exhaled, the trapeze artist has a moment when they are suspended in mid-air. My understanding is that they have to let go of one bar and wait in mid-air for the next swinging bar to reach them. If they hold on to the current

At its most basic, anorexia is a disease of desire. You don’t want what you want. You want to not want.

caroline knapp, appetites

giving up control to stop repressing desire within me that later turned into queerness

my disordered eating was so focused around control over being viewed as perfectly “normal” and attractive to men. i wanted to shove down anything that wasn’t in line with this which i know realize completely shut off my ability to sense my own desire