When we care
Still, when someone asks me about my ambition, the word gets stuck in my throat because the definition of ambition has, for so long, been limited to work.
If we continue to measure our lives by standards of self-determination, self-actualization, self-reliance, self-betterment, self-caregiving just to get wiser, happier, and healthier seems like a strange path.
But if we change our orientation to one of interdependence, seeing humans as a web of twisted roots, a vision of interdependence allows for us
... See moreFeeding this crisis is the fact that we are spending more time alone than ever before, and as a result, care, whether giving or receiving, has become a less organic part of our lives. For much of history, it was difficult for humans to go it alone. Goods and services were more expensive in relative terms, and running a household was extremely labor
... See morewhen you care for someone you, the parent or caregiver, are no longer independent. If you are tethered to someone by way of care, you can’t just go and do whatever you want in this world. As such, you, the parent or caregivers, need care, too. You need someone to make you dinner sometimes, or take you to a movie--or, the care often comes by way of ... See more
Anne Helen Petersen • "I Went Into Motherhood Determined Not to Lose Myself in It."
the more instrumental care is, the less relational it becomes; the less we really listen to our kids and enjoy the process of letting them unfold with, yes, some intervention from us, but a much looser and less frequent grip on the reins.
Anne Helen Petersen • "I Went Into Motherhood Determined Not to Lose Myself in It."
Our culture is really doing a ten out of ten job in caring in the worst possible ways. There is no infrastructure to support parents of caregivers, so care makes you poor and exhausts you. (Solution: Pay caregivers! Universal and affordable childcare and eldercare!) Parenting has become more instrumental than it used to be: kids are a project, anot... See more
Anne Helen Petersen • "I Went Into Motherhood Determined Not to Lose Myself in It."
Sometimes I think about all this through the lens of a Virgin Mary portrait, of which we have all seen hundreds if not thousands. In the patriarchal fetishized version of valuing care, she stays there, locked up in a glossy painting, harmonious and unconflicted and silent. In my version of valuing care, we start with asking her if we can carry the ... See more
Anne Helen Petersen • "I Went Into Motherhood Determined Not to Lose Myself in It."
We forget that while some women fought for the right to work, other, poorer women who, who have long been working, fought for the right to care.
Anne Helen Petersen • "I Went Into Motherhood Determined Not to Lose Myself in It."
Care is also what shaped us for the better, and made us more empathetic, relational and willing to accept that humans are needy, vulnerable, fragile and dependent beings.
Anne Helen Petersen • "I Went Into Motherhood Determined Not to Lose Myself in It."
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