self relationship & exploration

Since we can’t gain a complete understanding of ourselves, we have to settle for the next best thing: an incomplete understanding that requires constant updating—hopefully in the right direction—as we continue to take in more information from our peers and life experiences. The key phrase here is “in the right direction.” One could interpret inform... See more

For most of my life, my decisions were driven by invisible shoulds which manifested as ambivalence. It’s not that I felt like I had no agency over my life, but I often felt indecisive at the trailhead of a big decision. I simply did not know myself well enough to make informed decisions on my own behalf. When I found myself at crossroads, it was ea... See more

The quest for self-discovery implies there is a prize ending; a time you’ll be able to breathe out a sigh of relief, or jump up and down with excitement, or throw a party, or in some way acknowledge that you’ve finally done it: you’ve discovered yourself. But in practice, the quest never ends, because fully knowing oneself is impossible. This sound... See more

Relationships are like gazing into clear, bottomless pools of water. Look hard enough and you’ll meet the eyes of your own reflection. Stare into the soul of someone else long enough, and you’ll fall deeper into the abyss of yourself. The more you love the person in front of you, the more you understand yourself.

Perhaps a more productive framework, then, is to focus on the accuracy of our self-knowledge, also known as self-awareness. How close to reality is your understanding of yourself at this moment? To what extent are you deceiving yourself when you call yourself a loser, ugly, dumb, or the smartest person in the room? Do you know your values, and how ... See more

The numbness I felt was the result of continuously choosing to ride the gondola in the direction of someone else’s definition of success, moving further and further from my own intuition of a life well lived. When we feel internal turmoil, it’s a signal from our body to rethink our assumptions. While it’s natural to turn to everyone else — anyone e... See more