self relationship & exploration

For most of my life, my decisions were driven by invisible shoulds which manifested as ambivalence. It’s not that I felt like I had no agency over my life, but I often felt indecisive at the trailhead of a big decision. I simply did not know myself well enough to make informed decisions on my own behalf. When I found myself at crossroads, it was... See more

Relationships are like gazing into clear, bottomless pools of water. Look hard enough and you’ll meet the eyes of your own reflection. Stare into the soul of someone else long enough, and you’ll fall deeper into the abyss of yourself. The more you love the person in front of you, the more you understand yourself.

The quest for self-discovery implies there is a prize ending; a time you’ll be able to breathe out a sigh of relief, or jump up and down with excitement, or throw a party, or in some way acknowledge that you’ve finally done it: you’ve discovered yourself. But in practice, the quest never ends, because fully knowing oneself is impossible. This... See more

First, you possess imperfect knowledge of yourself. You may think you want something up until the moment you’ve attained it, only to discover that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting .

Growing up, we turn to our parents, friends, teachers, and communities for guidance like our lives depend on it. Because it does. We have no idea yet how to live, how to learn, how to dress, how to be. Through being explicitly told what to do and implicitly observing what we should do, we learn to earn love and acceptance by living in accordance... See more

Before you begin meditating, it’s really helpful to adopt a permissive attitude towards your current state: however I am right now, it is fine. I like reminding myself that I don’t need to do anything to receive sensation—the universe will keep on being the universe, and interesting data will come to me, I don’t have to force anything. This can... See more

Perhaps a more productive framework, then, is to focus on the accuracy of our self-knowledge, also known as self-awareness. How close to reality is your understanding of yourself at this moment? To what extent are you deceiving yourself when you call yourself a loser, ugly, dumb, or the smartest person in the room? Do you know your values, and how... See more