On love, limerence, and other-significant-others

People are not reliable narrators of their heart’s desires. You have to listen to what they’re saying, but you also have to study their actual behavior and their previous partners to understand their real preferences.

Parallel metamorphosis occurs where there is shared investment in the movement of another’s mind. We co-create personal artifacts. A pool of shared references: books, hosted events, ideas, grinning faces on my camera roll. I save the links you send because I admire your taste. I read your words because it’s like hanging out in your brain for a litt... See more

It's the feeling of being possessed by desire. When you ask people about being limerent it’s not atypical to hear “It almost ruined my life,” sometimes followed by “I miss the intensity of it.”

Substack • The Agony of Eros: On Limerence - By Ava - Bookbear Express

Winnicott on the Qualities of a Healthy Mind and a Healthy Relationship

Maria Popova themarginalian.org

“I have always felt that a human being could only be saved by another human being,” James Baldwin wrote in one of his finest essays. “I am aware that we do not save each other very often. But I am also aware that we save each other some of the time.”

“It sounds like you typically look for a connection that starts at a 10/10. Maybe what you want is something that starts at a 7/10.” I didn’t like hearing this. But it makes a ton of sense. When you are love-drunk you are also drunk-drunk. You’re not really seeing the person, you’re seeing your own phosphorescence.

Sasha Chapin • Getting married soon

I think all romance is an enduring curiosity for another person.

valley of things unsaid

You need some shared philosophy of what constitutes a meaningful life to sustain friendship over time. Why live here? Why work in this industry? What are we afraid of? What are we hopeful about? Do you know me, see me? Will you tell me when I’m wrong?

codependency is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; nor has there been substantial research on the concept. Some people may find it to be a useful tool for explaining bad relationship habits, but the term’s popularity also gestures at something worrisome: an avoidance of vulnerability and the natural asymmetries in rel... See more

“The Myth of Codependency” Source

I miss the futile fantasizing and being the precise target demographic of Taylor Swift’s marketing efforts. I miss being on the floor, ready to nail-to-cross myself for love. The dull aftertaste of heartbreak lingering for days, often weeks. But then, you know, I look in the mirror, and I like what I see. I see that I’m protected and can think stra... See more