non-coercion

Letting go of shoulds opens up the insight that there is nothing we HAVE to do in this life as long as we are willing to face the consequences of not doing it.

You don’t have to pay the bills, but you risk eviction. You don’t have to spend time with your spouse, but your relationship may deteriorate. You don’t have to exercise or eat healthy, but... See more

A term I saw on Twitter is “self-coercion.” I assume this means any time you make yourself do something you don’t want to do - the teeth gritted, white knuckle approach.

It would be extremely childish to imagine it was never necessary to do this. Sometimes we have to buckle down and do things which we would rather not.

BUT it should not be your... See more

For most of my life, my decisions were driven by invisible shoulds which manifested as ambivalence. It’s not that I felt like I had no agency over my life, but I often felt indecisive at the trailhead of a big decision. I simply did not know myself well enough to make informed decisions on my own behalf. When I found myself at crossroads, it was... See more

Non-self-coercion is therefore all about self-awareness and -acknowledgment and consequently locking in life goals and hobbies that are driven by pleasure rather than pain.

"should is one of the most violent words in the english language" https://t.co/1WZPwU2pqt