If you want to find a good design—be that the design of a house or an essay, a career or a marriage—what you want is some process that allows you to extract information from the context, and bake it into the form. That is what unfolding is.
When you design something, a useful definition of success is precisely that— the form fits the context —as Christopher Alexander argued in Notes on a Synthesis of Form (1964). This is true of relationships, and essays, and careers: you want to find something that fits .
Can I increase the amount of information I get from the context?
Are you looking for a partner? Talk to people who are happily married and ask them what they did. Run experiments. Are you unsure about having a kid? Ask if you can babysit your cousin's kid.
My preconceptions are a filter that reduces the amount of inf