lol

“I usually keep my peanuts next to a jar of peanut butter, so they understand what I’m capable of!”

Jerry Crosby was looking out a window at the immaculate green yard, where a lawn worker’s leaf blower had caught fire. The worker calmly heaved it in the swimming pool and ambled away.

Reading Schopenhauer when you felt melancholy was like taking off your clothes when you felt cold

They couldn’t agree on exactly what the angel, that is to say you, meant when you said ‘guard the pile.’ So there was an argument, and they divided into factions that interpreted your words differently. Some thought you meant they should watch so that no new things were added, but others thought you meant that no things should be taken away!” the w