learning how to wield the tool of sensitivity is NOT easy
Admitting that everything hurts your feelings is a way of respecting your gigantic heart and honoring the truth of who you are. It’s a way of staying invested in spite of the pain. It’s a way of sticking with difficult people, places, and things that blossom and fade and evolve and bring you joy. It’s a way of demonstrating to the world that vulnerability and softness are not inherently desperate or clingy or self-serving. You are aligned with your most fragile and also your most robust selves, so you can heed both. And slowly, you will understand when to dive in and when to let go. You will be able to say goodbye and leave instead of staying forever, guiltily. You will also have the strength to stick around and see what happens next instead of creeping away out of fear. And when things get difficult, you will find that the easiest path of all is to tell the truth.
A lot of stories are just a way we punish ourselves using our own brains.
It takes a long time to train yourself out of that habit of bad storytelling and bad scratching and constant unhappy itching. It takes a loooooong time. The best way to take a tiny step, in my opinion, is to say:
“I itch A LOT. But there are millions of itchy motherfuckers are
... See moreAdmitting that everything hurts your feelings is the first tiny step to preventing you from entering fight or flight mode. It’s not about scratching or not scratching. It’s about saying to yourself, “I’m itchy.” Noticing the itch. Feeling it. Not fighting it.
First you experiment with saying, “Boy, am I itchy!” in situations where the stakes are
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People have always sought me out during crises. Breakups, infatuation, heartbreak, career changes, stuckness, loss of faith: that’s when people find me. I think that I attract vulnerability because I am vulnerable. And it’s not my writing, like the truth is that I don’t say anything particularly vulnerable or act very vulnerable, I’m actually
... See moreIntroverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, said Jung, extroverts to the external life of people and activities. Introverts focus on the meaning they make of the events swirling around them; extroverts plunge into the events themselves. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone; extroverts need to recharge when they
... See moreSusan Cain • Quiet
sensitivity is a reality that many of us can't imagine living without. In ecology, sensitivity is highly valuable. In Earth systems, sensitivity is highly valuable. Probably in human communities of millennia past, sensitivity was highly valuable. I have to believe that at this moment in time, when we are encouraged to be mechanistic, it is simply being overlooked for the gift that it really is.
That’s the real reward of learning to be sensitive and emotional out in the open: finally learning to cultivate close relationships that are trusting, loving, and mutually supportive. Finally learning to be your whole self without apology. Finally learning to relax and enjoy the love you share without fear.