joke fuel

My slice of life on Earth happens to be one with bottled Poland Spring water.

I still don’t think people realize how reading the dictionary and immersing yourself in language can be, 1) inherently fun, and 2) good for a writer. I get funny, ranged reactions when I mention this new hobby to people.

Did not expect Jerry Seinfeld to be promoting transcendental meditation.

As an editor, it’s a good idea to reserve “Fuck!” and “Amen” (the profane and sacred words) once per essay, at the moment something really hits or connects.

The bullet journal cult…

Perhaps the weirdest research rabbit hole of my year: analyzing the shit of different African animals that existed at he time of Homo Habilis (1-3 million years ago). I’m doing a critique of the “Stoned Ape Theory.” Basically, psilocybin grows in the dung of large herbivores. Their shit has high moisture content (+80%) and is nutrient rich (because

We Earthlings do weird things to celebrate holidays. For Christmas we cut down all the evergreen trees. For Thanksgiving we genocide the turkeys. For Easter we take perfectly fine eggs and crack them against each other in competitive brackets. I just don't understand; on Earth Day why don’t we burn garbage in back yards and dump poison in the

The excess of desserts at parties is a symbol of over-politeness. The fear of rudeness by not bringing something means there are high-fat leftovers that throw off nutrition goals for a week.

It’s odd to me how the en-dash is left out in some text editors. One dash (-) is a hyphen, two dashes (–) is an en-dash, and three dashes (—) is an em-dash. You would think that by hitting the - symbol multiple times, you can get the dash you’re looking for. Substack (and other editors) give you an em-dash with only 2 clicks, and 3 clicks gives you