HealthyAttachment

Children become attached to whoever functions as their primary caregiver. But the nature of that attachment—whether it is secure or insecure—makes a huge difference over the course of a child’s life. Secure attachment develops when caregiving includes emotional attunement. Attunement starts at the most subtle physical levels of interaction between

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F L E X I B I L I T Y They are good at providing structure and predictability yet comfortable veering off when necessary

As development unfolds and children experiment with behaviors that keep people close, behaviors that allow for their autonomy and curiosity, and how to balance these relational opposites, children also begin to develop and internalize ideas about themselves, others, and the environment.

A secure attachment combined with the cultivation of competency builds an internal locus of control, the key factor in healthy coping throughout life.7 Securely attached children learn what makes them feel good; they discover what makes them (and others) feel bad, and they acquire a sense of agency: that their actions can change how they feel and

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We need connection to survive. Physically. First and foremost, our attachment system keeps us alive.

Because of their own attachment experiences and the accompanying neurobiology, the caregiver feels their baby’s distress and begins to have their own distress. In a way, the baby’s distress and the caregiver’s distress begins to merge.

X - R A Y V I S I O N G O G G L E S A more refined researcher than myself would call this reflective functioning. They can see past behavior and stay curious about what’s going on inside their child that is leading to that behavior. They also have the ability to recognize that their own unique history and experiences impacts how they see their... See more