HealthyAttachment

C A P A C I T Y F O R R E P A I R No caregiver is perfect and secure attachment does not come from an adult who meets their child’s needs all the time. Secure attachment is actually largely born out of the times a caregiver initiates a repair after they’ve had some sort of rupture with a child. Adults with secure attachment can see a rupture has... See more

R E S P O N S I V E N E S S They can respond to what’s actually happening in the moment and then adjust accordingly based on what happens in the very next moment. They are good at the ‘dance’ of relationships and ‘serve and return.’

A secure attachment combined with the cultivation of competency builds an internal locus of control, the key factor in healthy coping throughout life.7 Securely attached children learn what makes them feel good; they discover what makes them (and others) feel bad, and they acquire a sense of agency: that their actions can change how they feel and

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E M O T I O N R E G U L A T I O N While certainly no human is emotionally regulated all the time, adults with secure attachment have a pretty wide capacity for staying regulated in the face of their child’s dysregulation. This is super important because if a crying baby (dysregulated) always created significant dysregulation in their caregiver, the... See more

As development unfolds and children experiment with behaviors that keep people close, behaviors that allow for their autonomy and curiosity, and how to balance these relational opposites, children also begin to develop and internalize ideas about themselves, others, and the environment.

As the baby explores the world or begins to create separation from their caregiver with insecure anxious attachment, this distresses the caregiver who often has subtle (or not so subtle) behaviors of dysregulation. The baby figures this out quickly, and because their primary concern is keeping their caregiver regulated so that they can experience... See more

We need connection to survive. Physically. First and foremost, our attachment system keeps us alive.

we can simply invite you to pause, get off the rumination treadmill, and spend that time detangling rather than spinning.

What is mine to carry, what is theirs, what is God’s?

In what ways might I be over-functioning?

What isn’t clear right now? What is clear?

What assumptions am I making?

What do they want? Can I give it to them? What do I want?

What... See more