goofin w friends

Our story is not unusual. In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook. But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.

The problem is that when it comes to friendship, we are ritual-deficient, nearly devoid of rites that force us together. Emily Langan, a Wheaton College professor of communication, argues that we need them. Friendship anniversaries. Regular road trips. Sunday-night phone calls, annual gatherings at the same rental house, whatever it takes. “We’re n... See more

Rarely in our day-to-day lives do we get so excited that we are crying with our best friends, grabbing each other by the shoulders as we jump up and down with glitter on our faces screaming “WOOOOO!!!!!” Instead, we are that man in the subway: This is not a concert, we are riding the train, we are on our way to work, and that requires a certain dec... See more

The more hours you’ve put into this chaotic business of living, the more you crave a quieter, more nurturing third thing, I think. This needn’t mean dull. The friends I have now, who’ve come all this distance, who are part of my aging plan, include all kinds of joyous goofballs and originals. There’s loads of open country between enervation and int... See more

why it's hard to make friends as an adult:

where there's shared context (seeing the same people over many months daily i.e. workplaces) there's a lack of shared interests

where there's shared interest (hobby groups, bookclubs, etc) there's a lack of shared context