figuring out friendship

Medium friends are genuine friends. You share history (such as the same alma mater), circumstances (an employer) or interests (rude jokes, the royals, thrifting or squash). Medium friends make you laugh, bring news, offer insights or expertise. But, unlike the closest friends, medium friends test the limits of your time, love and energy. There are ... See more

This year, pay your taxes: Resolve to throw two parties—two because two feels manageable, and chain-letter math dictates that if every party has at least 10 guests (anything less is not a party!) and everyone observes host-guest reciprocity (anything else is sociopathic!), then everyone gets 20 party invitations a year—possibly many more. Bear in m... See more

Like many millennials, Ury is experiencing what’s becoming an aspirational lifestyle: living within walking distance of close friends. As more people work remotely, friends, rather than offices, are becoming the central compass around which people are seeking to orient their lives. Online, friendship is having a big moment: Videos on social media a... See more

But we didn’t set out to become friends. We set out to write together and see where it goes. What I learned writing this book is every friendship needs an “about,” and our “about” was so clear and so compelling from the jump.

Fitness and socializing have long been combined. Country clubs, whose original facilities included tennis courts, polo fields, racetracks, and baseball diamonds, were an important part of the American social scene in the 20th century. And local sports leagues and clubs have long filled the gaps left by the decline in other kinds of social groups.

I asked her for advice on making new friends, and she told me something a “friendship mentor” once told her: “Make the first move, and make the second move, too.” That means you sometimes have to ask a friend target out twice in a row—a strategy I had thought was gauche.

In her book, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center, journalist Rhaina Cohen details our historically recent obsession with marriage as the be-all, end-all, noting how many modern wedding ceremonies include spouses proclaiming that they are each other’s “best friends.” Indeed, many women told me that they felt ... See more