Friction

The opposite of communion is also useful to me. When I am with others, when I read books, when I look at Twitter—I feel like a dam filling with water, with potential energy. But it is usually not until I spend a long time alone in my head that it turns into kinetic energy. My best writing happened after I, at the end of 2021, got so sick that I... See more

There is no such thing as closeness without friction.

I’m disturbed by a collective desire to avoid friction for the sake of (false) certainty, mainly because I think friction makes us human.

Friendships are, by their very nature, made of friction. To know what is going on in someone’s day-to-day life, to make plans with them, and then reschedule those plans when someone inevitably gets sick, and then bring over Calpol or soup or an extra laptop charger. To water their plants while they’re away, to ask them to take your kids when you’re... See more

Friction is inevitable in human relationships. It can be uncomfortable, even maddening. Yet friction can be meaningful—as a check on selfish behavior or inflated self-regard; as a spur to look more closely at other people; as a way to better understand the foibles and fears we all share.