finding solitude

In the Irish language, we are not our emotions. We are not sad or anxious. We have sadness or anxiety on us.

To say I am sad, we say tá brón orm - there is sadness on me.

I am anxious, tá imní orm - there is anxiety on me.

The language recognizes these as passing states, not permanent fixtures of who we are.

Social psychologist Erich Fromm once wrote that love is an art, not an obligation—and the art requires spaciousness, not surveillance. The presence of trust is actually what calms the nervous system long-term, not the presence of constant messages.

And yet, somewhere beyond my carefully guarded solitude–I know my walls are not unbreakable. With the right person, I’d want to see what dishes they’re cooking and hear the songs they’re playing on repeat. But real love should never feel like surveillance. It should be the kind of knowing that doesn’t require proof. The kind of presence that doesn’... See more

Not every relationship needs the steady drip of updates, the play-by-play of each passing hour. Some thrive on it. Others suffocate. After time alone, I’ve come to love my independence, to cherish the silence between messages, the space to exist without explanation.