cptsd
made to explore the nuances of this condition that plagues me, yet makes me who i am.
re: bio; this is intended to hopefully help others understand their journey, as i acquire the means to understand my own, as well as bring intellectualism & respect to the conversation of cptsd.
Hypervigilance is a fixation on looking for danger that comes from excessive exposure to real danger.
and even adjacent exposure to real danger
(ie: hearing a family argument from within the same house, knowing you cannot stop the situation nor help dissolve it.)
Hypervigilance narrows your attention into an incessant, on-guard scanning of the people around you.
as well, i dream of not being made to feel like i must be positive about everything.
sometimes, i want to be heard on feeling so shitty, and be told that it must be hard.
Many Cptsd survivors flounder in caustic judgmentalness, shuffling back and forth between pathologizing others [the toxic blame of the outer critic] and pathologizing themselves [the toxic shame of the inner critic]. They get stuck in endless loops of detailing the relational inadequacies of others, and then of themselves.
this <3 this! this!!!
sickeningly accurate.
Attachment wounds have compounding costs developmentally because: not getting our needs met was wounding, we were often blamed for having those needs (which is also wounding), we had to develop coping strategies to cope with those unmet needs (which typically have long-term costs), and we may be missing a lot of the implicit learning (adaptive
... See moreSufferers of complex PTSD have undergone continual abuse—trauma that has occurred over a long period of time, over the course of years. Child abuse is a common cause of complex PTSD,”
the definition, persay.
foundational understanding.
i don’t like the vibe of the text but i think it’s important to note this + these factors, as when you are undiagnosed all of these things happen and feel invalidating to your experiences.
when people don’t understand the nuances to your brain + how you act & how to react to that, it makes interacting with them more difficult, and at times conflict inducing if you just so happen to be activated enough.
i find even well meaning criticism, if i’m in the slightest bit of an abrasive mood, can send me spiraling into anger and upset.
this applies even if the criticism lies within something i simply like or enjoy, and had no agency over creating or executing.
it’s not that i’m not capable of taking criticism, it’s that my inner critic and world takes that statement and spins it to be 1000 times worse than it is.
