Conversations
The art and science of having effective, joyful conversations
sari and
Conversations
The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help
Amanda Palmer • 8 highlights
amazon.com
How to criticize something you disagree with
Here are social psychologist Anatol Rapoport’s rules for criticizing something:
You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”
You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are... See more
Here are social psychologist Anatol Rapoport’s rules for criticizing something:
You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”
You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are... See more
Roughly match the tempo, volume, and style of others
One thing I’ve learned to do intuitively is match the tempo of someone I’m talking to—I can’t do it perfectly, but I try. If they’re quiet, meek, and deliberate, I refrain from overpowering them. If they’re fast and snappy and loud, I try to keep up. This is pretty crucial. If you stomp all over... See more
One thing I’ve learned to do intuitively is match the tempo of someone I’m talking to—I can’t do it perfectly, but I try. If they’re quiet, meek, and deliberate, I refrain from overpowering them. If they’re fast and snappy and loud, I try to keep up. This is pretty crucial. If you stomp all over... See more
from Sasha Chapin
“Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right.”
-Haruki Murakami
When delivering tough feedback, use this framework:
Start directly: “I want to chat with you about [specific issue]”
Share observations: “What I’m hearing/seeing is [specific examples]”
Connect to impact: “We both know that to be successful here...”
Focus on future: “Let’s discuss how we can improve this going forward”
If someone gets defensive during... See more
Start directly: “I want to chat with you about [specific issue]”
Share observations: “What I’m hearing/seeing is [specific examples]”
Connect to impact: “We both know that to be successful here...”
Focus on future: “Let’s discuss how we can improve this going forward”
If someone gets defensive during... See more
“People listen better if they feel that you have understood them. They tend to think that those who understand them are intelligent and sympathetic people whose own opinions may be worth listening to. So if you want the other side to appreciate your interests, begin by demonstrating that you appreciate theirs.”
― Roger Fisher, Getting to Yes:
... See more