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When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not a lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire.

I am often amazed at how couples can be up on the minute details of each other’s lives, but haven’t had a meaningful conversation in years. In fact, such transparency can often spell the end of curiosity. It’s as if this stream of questions replaces a more thoughtful and authentically interested inquiry. When the impulse to share becomes

Ignore the tangents, follow the feelings. Sometimes tangents move on the path of feeling, but not always, not often. Often they are looping around the feeling—spiraling up or down from the feeling. Ask hopeful questions like, “How does that connect to what you need in this moment?” Or suggest that they take a break and ask, “What is the essence of

That’s the transformative nature of humor and comedy. I think it really heals us and helps us let go. Anger is extremely powerful. And it can transform amazing things. But it also has its obstacles. It sets up walls. The counterbalance to that is laugher. And we have to not be afraid to use that.

In the United States, more and more of these services and systems have been underfunded publicly (by taxes), and so philanthropy has stepped in. These are two sides of the American historical coin: we underinvest in our shared public systems while we celebrate individual generosity. This places a burden on voluntary acts and giving that is both too