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The role of the artist is to make the revolution irresistible. —Toni Cade Bambara

What most couples don’t understand is that all couples create a patterned style of communication around difficult topics. This interaction frequently takes on a life of its own. The interaction is actually bigger than both people. In reality, the problem is created and maintained by both people: there is not such thing as one-person problems, and t

The longer we know our partner, the better we understand who they are; or, at least, that’s what we like to think. In reality, we all begin to develop and fill in pictures of who we believe our partner is. In other words, we create a “frame” for how we see each other. ‘He is strong and stable,’ ‘She wants to control me,’

“Trying to see your friend in a big city is just sending a list of dates months away back and forth forever, until one of you dies.”

Quantum mechanics and experiments with particles have taught us that the world is a continuous, restless swarming of things, a continuous coming to light and disappearance of ephemeral entities. A set of vibrations, as in the switched-on hippie world of the 1960s. A world of happenings, not of things.

I am often amazed at how couples can be up on the minute details of each other’s lives, but haven’t had a meaningful conversation in years. In fact, such transparency can often spell the end of curiosity. It’s as if this stream of questions replaces a more thoughtful and authentically interested inquiry. When the impulse to share becomes obligatory

Hyperfocus on the other can lead to a disconnection or loss of self through over-functioning and over-adapting in the relationship in an attempt to maintain and preserve the connection. Frequently consumed by fears of abandonment, people functioning out of a preoccupied style will easily give up their own needs or sense of self, yielding to the nee

Another way of posing the problem is to ask oneself: what is the “present”? We say that only the things of the present exist: the past no longer exists and the future doesn’t exist yet. But in physics there is nothing that corresponds to the notion of the “now.” Compare “now” with “here.” “Here” designates the place where a speaker is: for two diff

“Instead of asking whether anyone should be locked up or go free, why don’t we think about why we solve problems by repeating the kind of behavior that brought us the problem in the first place?” —Ruth Wilson Gilmore

We won’t end the systemic patterns of harm by isolating and picking off individuals, just as we can’t limit the communicative power of mycelium by plucking a single mushroom from the dirt. We need to flood the entire system with life-affirming principles and practices, to clear the channels between us of the toxicity of supremacy, to heal from the