Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships

You acknowledge the mistake, saying, “I hear you, and I admit my mistake. I’ll be more careful. I don’t think there will be problems in the future, but if there are, I hope we can discuss them calmly and privately. I learn better from constructive criticism.”

Remember that assertiveness is not a tool for manipulation, intimidation, or getting your way. It is a means to stand up for your own rights and needs, build equal relationships, express your anger, reach out to others, show your affection, and be more direct. Most importantly, it is one means to becoming the person you want to be, to feel good abo

try to be yourself, be assertive, and take others’ needs, rights, and respect into account.

“Kindness” is a word that doesn’t get a lot of press, but it has been our intent since the beginning of our work with assertiveness to help humans treat one another with respect, thoughtfulness, and, yes, kindness. The idea of assertiveness for those who had been “pushed around” earlier was to help them gain the respect that others weren’t offering

Most of them were shy, nonassertive, and reluctant to take any action on their own behalf. It seemed the most effective approach was to activate them, to get them going again, to teach them to “stand up, speak out, and talk back.”

they compared trained patients with a group of patients who had not been trained. The coached patients were much more in control in dealing with the doctor. They directed the conversation, interrupted when necessary, and got a lot more information about their illnesses. And here’s the great part: four months later, those trained in assertiveness ha

the more you can deal with your feelings in an up-front, straightforward manner, the less you allow feelings to fester and come out as hostile or cynical thoughts and behaviors.

People who considered themselves underdogs throughout life and then learned to be assertive may become verbally aggressive. The message may be: “Now it’s my turn, and I’ll set a few people straight!” Feelings covered up for many years may come out with a bang. Similarly,

Resentment from experiences that created anger or hurt won’t just go away.