they have internalized the viewpoint of the parent who witnessed the event and now they too dismiss, minimize, or deny its occurrence.

The child is hurt by the assault, but the child internalizes the witnessing parent’s viewpoint.

“Something is wrong with me;” that’s the sine qua non of shame.

cause reactions—anger, withdrawal. Shame enters the scene when the assault, hurt, injury, or reactions are dismissed (“That wasn’t such a big deal, why are you so sensitive?”), denied (“You’re lying, making it up, that didn’t really happen”), or gaslighted (“Your reactions are because something is weird or pathologically wrong with you, not because

I wanted to not look at people as if they had something wrong with them. I thought, “That’s how it’s supposed to go. People are amazing the way they are. We just don’t know how to look at each other.” We’ve been hypnotized by the expectations of how we are supposed to look and be. It’s a constant assault. It’s literally a shame.

I saw the person underneath the behaviors that attempted to conform to expectations.

“Would you allow cerebral palsy to be something not to overcome, but something that moves your body in a way unique to you?”

“What would happen if you didn’t act like the person you’re supposed to be, if you didn’t try to walk in the way most people believe is normal?”

without addressing the intelligence in your current body and hungers, you will miss the message and likely be unsuccessful. And, perhaps worst of all, you will miss the biggest factor in making any deep and difficult change: you won’t learn to love yourself and live a life that is truly yours.