not to be super intense but life takes very active maintenance and disciple. it takes discipline, it takes waking up early, fitting your friends AND your work, it takes going on that walk instead of doom scrolling, it takes researching the best coffees and getting them, it takes so much work, otherwise before you know it youre older than you realized and haven’t done anything. aren’t where you wanted. haven’t done or seen or learned or felt or read all the things. all these things matter. lately I’ve been turning off my feelings and doing it. apply to hackathon, scheduling international trips, organizing dinners, not feeding into my anxiety, waking up early, going to the gym, staying up late to finish work, sleeping in, writing, meeting people even if I’m nervous, just all the things. being really really brave and inserting myself in the places and things I want. I thought I’d be exhausted, and I am sometimes, but mostly i feel so empowered and in control. I don’t want to be at the whim of my emotions. for so long I thought feelings for my strength and I could do anything with this burning desire, but now I realized it’s more nuanced. I still believe they but now I know they sometimes I want to do nothing! and lay in bed for hours! <tw food> i want to skip meals and skip sleep and avoid people and hide from the world. and it means nothing! There’s no sage wisdom there there’s nothing i am lacking (trust me i spent years ruminating on what im missing!) there’s nothing in means I just have to be strong. I have a cozy house, good food, great friends, amazing bf, a career and sooooo many ideas and industries I love, and I could go on but you get it. sometimes my feelings mean nothing besides I didn’t eat and I haven’t drank water and haven’t gotten sunlight. do the hard things!! don’t give into the self sabotaging emotions!! be strong!! listen to your body but don’t let it dictate everything and love your life goddamn itttt