Understanding that they are the ultimate cause of what they experience keeps them out of falling into the trap of indignant passivity:

This is why things hurt so badly when we identify with them. All hatred is self-hatred. This is why we become so goddamned heartbroken. We cannot lose people; we can only lose ourselves in an idea of them. We decided how we felt about ourselves through them—for better and for worse—so when we perceive that their mindset changes from loving us to lo

I created the environment that made them feel they had to lie. I mistook their neutral behavior as betrayal. I made it more appealing for them to disappear than to communicate. It felt so good to think it was all my fault! This is way better than forgiving. When you forgive, you’re still assuming that they’re wrong and you’re the victim. But to dec

But when you have compassion for yourself, you begin to trust yourself. And you begin to see that it is the truth that saves you, finally.

or you blame yourself. What good does that do?

Personalizing. That’s when we blame ourselves for random negative occurrences.

When we take life personally by I-ing and my-ing, the universal sense that “something is wrong” easily solidifies into “something is wrong with me.” When I look into my own feelings of unworthiness, sometimes I can’t point to any significant way I’m actually falling short. Yet just this feeling of being a self, separate from others, brings up a fun