And underneath the phrase is the unspoken suggestion that to receive is to be the weak one, the needy one, the poor one. Of course, from this perspective most of us would rather be the ‘giver’ than the ‘taker.’ The giver is rich and secure and doesn’t need anyone’s help. But taken to its extreme, giving becomes pathological.

Often this is complicated by discomfort around receiving. If your mother was Scrooge-like in her psychology and didn’t give generously, often a part of your psyche has this same filter and doesn’t give or receive in a gracious way. You then continue the legacy of scarcity.

Some people are cheerful givers, but bad receivers. They refuse gifts through pride, or some negative reason, thereby blocking their channels, and invariably find themselves eventually with little or nothing.

It all tightens until what others need is anticipated beyond what is real, and then, without any true need being voiced, an anxiety to respond builds that can only be relieved if something is offered or done. At the heart of this is the ever-present worry that unless doing something for another there is no possibility of being loved. So the needs o

“The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.” —Annie Dillard

Chances are, if you can’t accept help, you can’t really give it.

Instead of welcoming aid and checking to see if it is freely given, we reject it. We automatically say, “I’m fine, thanks,” or “I’ll be all right,” or “I don’t need any help.” Very serious business! When we throw away nurturing, we filter out the very love we long for, the love that is the foundation of our self-esteem. Some of us decided to cope w