self-discrepancy theory, we have three main selves: who we think we are, who we want to become, and who we think we ought to be. In other words, our current, ideal, and ought selves. Research shows when there’s a discrepancy between who we think we are and who we ought to be or who we are striving to be, negative emotions abound.

had lost control of my story.

When we are who we are, when we are secure in our self and our ability to do the task in front of us, we feel free to perform.

It’s security by recognizing the messiness, while holding on to the right motivation, expectations, and views underlying

When our identity is wrapped up in the external, when our motivation comes from chasing, when success is confused with status, it puts us on a track to never being or doing enough to let us be satisfied and content.

we need a robust contentment system to counteract our urge to drive and strive.

“Fame or Self: Which matters more? Self or Wealth: Which is more precious? Gain or Loss: Which is more painful? He who is attached to things will suffer much. He who saves will suffer heavy loss. A contented man is rarely disappointed.”

When we get stuck on a disordered threat loop, we can use fear to disrupt us. When we go toward the fear, our body eventually realizes it isn’t in danger and that it can turn down the alarm and exit survival mode.

Laughing and smiling are powerful medicines because they don’t just send a cognitive signal to reappraise but a deeply psychological and emotional one.