Remind yourself that you do not create feelings in other people. Each person is responsible for his or her own feelings and reactions and therefore must also be accountable for them.

Narcissists commonly cut people off and out of their lives due to their shallow emotional style of seeing others as either good or bad. Everything is black or white to them.

According to renowned family therapist Dr. Murray Bowen, an adult can regard herself to be further along with her individuation process the more she (1) becomes less emotionally reactive to the family dynamics, (2) becomes more objective in observing the family dynamics, and (3) becomes aware of the “myths, images, distortions, and triangles” she

They may not want to see you suffer, so they try to fix it. They don’t understand that if you don’t face this sadness, it will remain part of you forever.

I’m not saying that you become permanently sad about this, but that you recognize it, face it, and allow yourself to feel sad about the pain this has caused you. We will move beyond this stage of grief. This is not where you will live the rest of your life.

Every little girl deserves to have a mother who is crazy about her. If you didn’t have a loving mother, you have a right to grieve the loss.

The grief process begins with another decision: to let your feelings be there.

Remember that you cannot change others. You can change only yourself. How you view things and how you deal with your perceptions is within your control. Changing your mother is not.

Most daughters I know have gone through long periods in their lives not understanding this, always wishing and hoping that the next encounter with their mother will be different. This sets up not only unrealistic expectations for the daughter, but encourages her to keep going back to try again, for which the reward is additional sadness,