Wild problems that don’t turn out well aren’t mistakes. They’re more like adventures. Adventures have twists and turns and ups and downs. Belichick teaches us that if you can go on an adventure that you can end without great cost, go. If it turns out badly, cut it short. If it turns out well, enjoy the ride. This beats trying to figure out in

the person you can explore life with at your side,

Formulas are simple. That’s a feature, but also a bug. Life is complicated.

How might I experience the trip if I try to find an itinerary that emerges from our shared vision and not just what makes me the happiest?

I took the job because I felt like it was something I was meant to do, a calling. To turn down the opportunity would have felt like a betrayal of the deepest parts of me.

Sound like fun? It wasn’t. But it turned out to be one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life. I’ve done the same retreat twice since then. I found it emotionally overwhelming. It changed the way I think about many things but especially myself. It softened me in ways that have stayed with me long after the retreat ended.

The pause can remind you that you can step out of your habitual response and be more considerate or thoughtful. With practice, you can change your habitual response to a better one.

Marriage is about becoming a husband or wife. That changes who I am and how I go through life. Being a spouse transcends and elevates my daily experience.

In the poem, Hein says that when you face a dilemma and can’t decide what to do, flip a penny in the air. Not as the way to make the decision, but as the way to discover “what you’re hoping,” in Hein’s words.