Martyrdom feels entirely at odds with the self-optimizing solitude you see advertised by Instagram infographics and Twitter therapists — if you relate to one of the two phenomena, you likely feel completely repulsed by the other — but I think they are far more like mirror images than opposites. Both strategies rely on the fantasy that isolation can... See more

This alteration of the real self requires tremendous emotional labor, which comes at a great psychological cost — we lose sense of who we are and where we stand. (Those of us who have had to take care of a parent’s emotional needs and feelings from a young age at the expense of feeling our own, at the expense of knowing our own, are particularly... See more

The more you must please a parent, the less energy you have for mature self-development and finding your own path. Burying your true nature for the sake of family acceptance is both physically and emotionally exhausting. Your ambitions, attractions, interests, and dreams tell you who you really are. They pull you toward the things that give you the

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