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White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
But niceness is not courageous. Niceness will not get racism on the table and will not keep it on the table when everyone wants it off. In fact, bringing racism to white people’s attention is often seen as not nice, and being perceived as not nice triggers white fragility.
Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
To continue reproducing racial inequality, the system only needs white people to be really nice and carry on, smile at people of color, be friendly across race, and go to lunch together on occasion.
Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
Equity consultant Devon Alexander shared with me what is perhaps the most pernicious form of pressure on people of color: the pressure to collude with white fragility by minimizing their racial experiences to accommodate white denial and defensiveness.
Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
Because I am seen as somewhat more racially aware than other whites, people of color will often give me a pass. While this is certainly more comfortable for me, it doesn’t hold me accountable or support my racial growth. I ask my friends of color to trust that I can handle their feedback, and then it’s on me to demonstrate myself as worthy of that
... See moreRobin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
Ultimately, I let go of changing the other person. If someone gains insight from what I share, that is wonderful. But the objective that guides me is my own need to break with white solidarity, even when it’s uncomfortable, which it almost always is. In the end, my actions are driven by my own need for integrity, not a need to correct or change som
... See moreRobin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
I also give myself some time if I feel at a loss to respond in the moment. When we have an ongoing relationship with someone, it’s fine to take some time and return to the issue later.
Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
Having said that, I can offer a few strategies for trying to work with one another on our white fragility. First, I try to affirm a person’s perspective before I share mine, and when I do share mine, I try to point the finger inward, not outward.
Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
To be less white is to be open to, interested in, and compassionate toward the racial realities of people of color. I can build a wide range of authentic and sustained relationships across race and accept that I have racist patterns.
Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
However, a positive white identity is an impossible goal. White identity is inherently racist; white people do not exist outside the system of white supremacy.