A child exposed to unpredictable or extreme stress will become what we call dysregulated.

Love, given and felt, is dependent upon the ability to be present, attentive, attuned, and responsive to another human being.

What happened to you as an infant has a profound impact on this capacity to love and be loved.

every environment has a tone. If you were to walk into any home as a stranger, not speaking the language, you could absolutely feel whether this is a place where people are loved. Just as you can sense when something’s off. You may not know what it is, but something feels off.

As we make our way through the world, countless sounds, smells, and images can tap into memories we created earlier in life. These memories may be full-blown recollections of a specific event, or they may be fragments—a feeling, a sense of déjà vu, an impression.

Our brains develop as a reflection of the world we grow up with. You love others the way you’ve been loved.

There are parts of our brain that are very, very sensitive to nonverbal relational cues. And in our society, this is an underappreciated aspect of the way human beings work. We tend to be a very verbal society—written and spoken words are important—but the majority of communication is actually nonverbal.

And there are motor-vestibular memories—curling up in the fetal position is essentially an act of remembering—stored in even lower networks in the brain. But traumatic experience can create complex memory traces that involve all regions of the brain.

Positive interactions with people are rewarding and regulating. Without connection to people who care for you, spend time with you, and support you, it is almost impossible to step away from any form of unhealthy reward and regulation.