Love, given and felt, is dependent upon the ability to be present, attentive, attuned, and responsive to another human being.

What happened to you as an infant has a profound impact on this capacity to love and be loved.

Our brains develop as a reflection of the world we grow up with. You love others the way you’ve been loved.

Connectedness counters the pull of addictive behaviors. It is the key.

Positive interactions with people are rewarding and regulating. Without connection to people who care for you, spend time with you, and support you, it is almost impossible to step away from any form of unhealthy reward and regulation.

Relief of distress gives pleasure. They are relaxed for the first time in their lives. The pull to go back and use again is very powerful, though it’s affected by how dysregulated you are, and by the nature and strength of the other sources of reward in your life.

you. This is all part of another adaptive capability, called dissociation. For babies and very young children, dissociation is a very common adaptive strategy; fighting or fleeing won’t protect you, but “disappearing” might. You learn to escape into your inner world. You dissociate. And over time, your capacity to retreat to that inner world—safe,

There was no intention to ignore this girl, but we all require some reciprocal social feedback to stay engaged. The little girl’s working model of the world—I don’t matter—projected into the classroom and became a self-fulfilling prophecy. We elicit from the world what we project into the world; but what you project is based upon what happened to y

The brain is a meaning-making machine, always trying to make sense of the world. If our view of the world is that people are good, then we will anticipate good things from people. We project that expectation in our interactions with others and thereby actually elicit good from them. Our internal view of the world becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy;