Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give

I think about what love looked like for me this year.

This year love is gross. It’s the slug trails of Vega and Joni’s snot on Dan’s black t-shirt, cleaning sick out of car seatbelt buckles and scraping cold fish pie off the floor. One day Dan comes home to find me holding a potty of wee next to a urine colour chart on my phone to assess if it could... See more

It’s such a natural scene. It’s lovely. It’s so perversely familiar. It occurs to me that I crave independence, that I demand and expect it, but never enough, since I was a teenager, to actually be alone. It’s possible that, just as marriage conceals its true nature through the elaborate ritual of the wedding, I have been staging this entire produc

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Weddings seemed like an antiquated rite of passage, implanted into the mainstream consciousness by greedy corporate interests. Through our need for social approval, this manmade ritual became the ultimate status symbol, being conducted by couples across the world to satisfy the expectations of parents, friends, and society in general.