That we can set boundaries that don’t require the disappearance of other survivors.

I want us to have an abundance of skill in facilitation and mediation when what needs to be addressed is at the level of misunderstanding, contradiction, mistake, or conflict. I want us collectively to be able to use precise language and to be comfortable asking each other questions for the sake of providing each other the absolute best, most heali

In the past, I have lost my connection to life, to wanting to live, thought it didn’t much matter if I was here or not, and so it didn’t much matter how I treated myself or others. When I was in that phase of ambiguous commitment to life, I took risks with my mind and body that I couldn’t imagine taking now. I practiced cynicism and hopelessness, a

The truth is, it isn’t unusual to only realize harm happened in hindsight, with more perspective and politicization. But there’s more truth, too. The additional truth is, right now, in the frantic pause of pandemic, we have the time.

This is not a case against call outs. There is absolutely a need for certain call outs—when power is greatly imbalanced and efforts have been made to stop ongoing harm, when someone accused of harm won’t participate in community accountability processes or honor requested boundaries, the call out is a way of pulling an emergency brake.

“Instead of asking whether anyone should be locked up or go free, why don’t we think about why we solve problems by repeating the kind of behavior that brought us the problem in the first place?” —Ruth Wilson Gilmore

Sometimes we don’t even realize we have caused harm, because supremacy is a numbing and narrowing disease. I want us to let go of the narrowness of innocence, widen our understanding of how harm moves through us.9 I want us to see individual acts of harm as symptoms of systemic harm, and to do what we can do collectively to dismantle the systems an

Who benefits from my self-doubt?

Moving towards life affirming movements includes asking: