People don’t understand how you can be physically afraid of someone who wasn’t physically violent towards you. But psychological abuse is built upon fear and the feeling the abuser can

A relationship is successful when it’s safe, enriching, and develops with mutual intention.

It can leave you feeling you had better not breathe in too deeply for fear of drawing attention to how you breathe and being criticised for it.

They then shame you and play the victim.

Alongside processing loss, you can also ground yourself in the present in small and significant ways. Being aware of not having to walk on eggshells or evade the abuser’s unpredictable moods. Being able to leave the lights on without someone flying into a rage. Staying in your jogging pants all day if you want to. Making decisions without having to

suffocate your existence if they choose to. It leaves you terrified at just the thought of being near them.

We ask questions such as, ‘how did the love of my life became the bully in my life?’ Or

When we internalise this message, we feel as though they are showing us kindness simply by ‘putting up’ with us, and therefore feel grateful for the minimal warmth we receive.

Abusers like the image of themselves rather than their authentic self, so fantasising about being the person who fulfils your dreams gives them an inflated sense of self-worth and importance.