And if they see no fault, they see no reason to change.

I was once told by a Domestic Violence Advocate an abuser will do the least work as possible to achieve their desired outcome.

who they are is difficult, but before we even get to that point, is the difficulty in understanding who they are. So

Intermittent good behaviour leads you to question whether you perceived the severity of their abusive behaviour correctly, or whether it really is all in your head.

Ruminating on how much you’ve invested in the abuser is an attempt to avoid feelings of shame, regret and loss.

As the relationship with the abuser develops, and you cannot live up to the idealised image, they become resentful towards you. Any negative emotions could trigger the devaluing process, such as feeling challenged, threatened, or disappointed. It isn’t only conflict that can trigger these emotions. It can be any range of healthy interactions, such

Throughout the relationship, the abuser will project their abusive behaviours onto you.

One obstacle in restoring clarity is the contrast between who we believe the abuser to be and the reality of who they are. Accepting

moved further in their favour. For example, they always run thirty minutes