
Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.

If you leave the relationship, you might feel lost without them, because although you have lost the source of your pain, they were also the person you were dependent on to ease the pain.
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
However, in the abusive relationship, the abuser uses power to dominate and disrespectful tactics to lower your self-esteem.
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
Intermittent good behaviour leads you to question whether you perceived the severity of their abusive behaviour correctly, or whether it really is all in your head.
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
This is so you become so consumed with doubt you will accept the abuser’s version of reality as your own and, therefore, will ‘accept’ how they treat you.
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
I was once told by a Domestic Violence Advocate an abuser will do the least work as possible to achieve their desired outcome.
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
One obstacle in restoring clarity is the contrast between who we believe the abuser to be and the reality of who they are. Accepting
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
Manipulative behaviours keep you focused on your own behaviour and the validity of your thoughts and feelings, not allowing you the time or mental capacity to recognise the abuse and hold the abuser accountable.
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
who they are is difficult, but before we even get to that point, is the difficulty in understanding who they are. So
Emma Rose Byham • Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse.
Abusers like the image of themselves rather than their authentic self, so fantasising about being the person who fulfils your dreams gives them an inflated sense of self-worth and importance.