Understanding Others' Emotions | Lisa Feldman Barrett

When someone pulls the silent treatment on you, or plays the victim, or erupts in frustration, Let Them. And then I want you to visualize an eight-year-old trapped inside their body.

Respond to their emotions by saying “Sounds like you’re angry” or “Sounds like this really upsets you.” Hostage negotiators use this to show understanding and to cool hot emotions. And neuroscience research shows that giving a name to feelings helps reduce their intensity.

‘Why are they fussy? Is it a wet diaper? Are they hungry? Are they tired? Do they need to be burped?’ You have to learn the system: ‘Why is the baby fussy?’ Or in the case of false anxiety: ‘Why is the grown-up fussy?’”

Once they’ve been labeled and brought into the open, the negative reactions in your counterpart’s amygdala will begin to soften. I promise it will shock you how suddenly his language turns from worry to optimism. Empathy is a powerful mood enhancer.