Your story differs from the ones my mom and I tell, but the courage and perseverance you’ve drawn on just to survive are beautiful too. You can continue to connect with those parts of yourself that are brave and strong. That is the beauty of cowriting a new story with God: We get to choose what to cultivate and what we must learn to forgive in ours

This is what I mean when I talk about surrender: It’s feeling safe enough to release our grip.

So is this actually what God wants for us—to love who we are unconditionally? It seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? After all, how will we change or grow if we’re not shaming and criticizing ourselves? How will we stay in line? It may help to recognize that God has always extended such kindness, compassion, and goodness to us.

Even more important, this condemning spirit contradicts the approach of our gracious, compassionate, and loving God. What if this intense dislike of ourselves is keeping us from embracing the truest thing about each of us—our belovedness?

One of the many problems with shame is that any change it stimulates in us will be only temporary. This is because it leads us to react out of our lower brains, where survival is the only goal. Authentic growth will always include our whole, integrated selves.

that self-hatred/contempt is the most pervasive reason folks continue trying to white-knuckle their way through life.

When we recognize that emotions give us information and that it is normal for them to change, adapt, and even disappear, we can approach them differently.[12] This idea can be particularly helpful for folks struggling with anxiety, but it applies to all emotions.

Signs of emotional overwhelm include the following: Experiencing a sudden loss of what you actually think or believe (e.g., at a family get-together, a cousin tells you he was admitted to an Ivy League law school and you suddenly find yourself believing you’ve never been capable, when all along you’ve succeeded academically) A sense that you are yo

emotional response is one way our bodies express the stories they hold. Understanding this helps us to recognize why there is a clinical distinction between our emotions and our feelings: The sensations and nervous system states that we experience in our bodies = Emotions The names we give those expressions = Feelings[3]