“Children need strong, firm, decisive, self-respecting, and autonomous parents—or else children become frightened. Youngsters need a world that is just, fair, orderly, and predictable. Only strong parents can supply these important qualities.”

The anxious-attachment dimension reflects a concern about being rejected and abandoned and is the product of beliefs about whether others will be there for you in times of need. The avoidant-attachment dimension has less to do with a sense of safety and more to do with how you regulate your emotions in response to stress—whether you use others as a

existence of an “attachment behavioral system” designed over the eons of human history to motivate the desire to increase proximity between caregivers and vulnerable infants, children, or adults.29 Proximity-seeking behaviors, according to Bowlby, serve the function of reducing feelings of fear and anxiety and are activated when the infant feels

Any person at any point in time could become dominated by safety needs and would likely act in a predictable fashion in accordance with fundamental principles of human nature. When safety needs are thwarted, we lose trust in others and regard people with suspicion. We can very easily turn to destructive routes in order to regain safety, such as

If internal entropy levels become too great, we are forced to develop alternative strategies to minimize entropy and satisfy our basic needs. If nothing works, over time, the system fails to adapt and eventually deteriorates. There are deep implications here not just for our physiological functioning but also for our psychology. We use a fair

Alan Watts put it, “There is a contradiction in wanting to be perfectly secure in a universe whose very nature is momentariness and fluidity.”15 Or as mathematician John Allen Paulos notes, “Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”

The need for safety is tied to a particular form of meaning in life. Psychologists have identified three different forms of meaning: coherence, purpose, and mattering.5 Purpose involves a motivation to realize future-oriented and valued life goals. Mattering consists of the extent to which people feel that their existence and actions in the world

everything that is “nasty, mean, or vicious” is an overcompensatory attempt to satisfy the basic needs of security, affection, and self-esteem.

The good life is not something you will ever achieve. It’s a way of living. As Carl Rogers noted, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”41 This process won’t always bring feelings of happiness, contentment, and bliss, and it may even sometimes cause pain and heartache. It’s not for the