GROWTH CHALLENGE #8: UNPLUG This exercise is about detaching from the virtual world of cell phones, television, tablets, email, smartwatches, and anything with a screen, and plugging in to the present moment—being with yourself, your friends, your family. Not only do phones and other electronic devices get in the way of quality time during meals,

George Vaillant, who has revitalized the importance of our mind’s defenses for healthy adaption to life, has also emphasized our great potential for change.89 Not by suppressing our inner conflicts, or by pretending that everything is perfectly fine when it’s not, but by transforming our defenses “from thunderstorms to rainbows,” and in doing so,

“There is no beast in man. There is only man in man, and this we have been able to release.”

In other words, the best route to happiness and life satisfaction is through transcending your egoistic insecurities, becoming the best version of yourself, and making a positive contribution to the world around you.

Many emotions that make people uncomfortable or are painful to bear can be incredibly conducive to growth, just as the more comfortable or even ebullient emotions can sometimes sabotage our growth. The point is to embrace the full richness and complexities of our emotional landscape and bring them to a healthy integration. As Carl Rogers observed

The key here is that for long-lasting personality change, you must want to change and be willing to follow through on your personality change goals and actively and successfully implement behaviors to change yourself.73 The good news, though, is that by making enough changes to our states over time, we are capable of making long-lasting changes not

We repress certain aspects of our personality and bring their opposite to the fore (e.g., we overemphasize our ability to be a kind, caring person who would never, ever, under any circumstance act aggressively toward others; we overemphasize our ability to control our environment and dominate others and make it clear that we will, under no

Thwarting of the neurotic trend in any situation often leads to panic and anxiety (e.g., a person with a compulsive need for unlimited freedom panics at the slightest hint of a tie, whether it’s a marriage engagement or the need to sign a contract for a gym membership).51

To be sure, it is perfectly normal and healthy to desire the affection and adulation of others, to value your solitude, and to want to express frustration and anger when your needs are thwarted. The problem is when these needs become so outsize that they become compulsive and have the ability to seize upon the whole person. Remember, one of the