Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader

Code of A Modern Gentleman 1. Never strike anyone so old, small, or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed. 2. Never steal anything so small that you’ll have to go to an unpleasant city jail for it instead of a minimum security federal tennis prison. 3. Remember, the truth is rude. Consider the truth about where babies come from, especially som

I saw myself at thirty-eight lounging around a penthouse in a brocade smoking jacket. Vivaldi would be playing on the stereo. I’d sip brandy from a snifter the size of a fish tank and leaf through an address book full of R-rated phone numbers.

Modern society is without any concept of dignity, worth, or regard. Today the only thing which sets one person apart from another is his or her degree of fame.

The most fundamental lesson of etiquette is “be unconcerned.” Proper behavior means always giving the appearance of unperturbed grace. This appearance is much easier to achieve if you really don’t care about anything.

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.