This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

Relationship problems are not usually occurring because of bad people doing bad things to the people they love. Relationship problems crop up among perfectly decent and well-intentioned people who are simply living our lives and failing to recognize that others are experiencing pain while we’re busy feeling comfortable and not paying attention.

Caring about her = a million little things that say “I love you” more than speaking the words ever could.

When there’s no trust, there can be no safety. People who do not feel safe will always seek safety. In marriage, that means our partners must leave us and find a new living arrangement that brings about security and contentment. Conditions in which pain is not the daily experience.

If we’re unwilling to be vulnerable, then we’re unwilling to share the whole truth about who we are. Without sharing the whole truth about who we are, we can never be as trustworthy as relationships require to remain healthy.

I frequently made decisions in which my wife was not a factor in the math equation my brain used to decide something. THAT is what hurts the people we love.

if you are married to someone who loves you and who you very specifically chose to spend the rest of your life with because you believe them to be a good person, then please consider that moments of conflict and the pain of trust erosion are the result of accidentally inflicted wounds—NOT intentional abuse or neglect.

What Grayson’s wife actually gave a shit about was being married to someone who keeps promises. If she is married to someone she perceives to be unwilling or unable to keep their promises, then there can’t be trust in the relationship. A relationship absent trust doesn’t feel safe because relationships without trust are unsustainable. People requir

This is the result of unmet needs further down the pyramid. Expensive gifts, flirty texts, and earnest efforts to contribute more around the house do not feel like thoughtful acts of love and intimacy when they are coming from the same person who triggers feelings of mistrust and a lack of safety.

It was about this idea of consideration. About the pervasive sense that she was married to someone who did not respect nor appreciate her. And if I didn’t respect or appreciate her, then I didn’t love her in a manner that felt trustworthy.