A sinking feeling of “I’ve done something wrong” and a feeling of panic, “What’s the right thing to do now to fix it?” Buying anything for anyone else but never anything for myself.

This process repeats constantly up through age 7 when, it is said, we are completely socialized. After that, The Judge is tenured and guaranteed a full-time job. During this process we have concluded that needs are bad and that we are bad for having them. And, of course, we have them anyway.

GUIDE: The voice saying it’s phony is terrified that you’ll find out how sincere you are. STUDENT: It’s okay to just pretend you like yourself, to go through the motions of embracing yourself, even if it feels false or stupid. Saint Theresa of Avila taught to go to the experience of gratitude within, and I’ve always assumed she meant fake it if it

We can live our lives trying to conform to some nebulous standard, or we can live our lives seeing how everything works. When we step back and look at it that way, it is obvious that the attitude of fascination is the only intelligent one to bring to anything.

BLAMING OTHERS Self-hating and “other” hating are the same thing. Whether you are hateful toward others or hating yourself directly, it’s self-hate. You are always the recipient.

BLAMING OTHERS Self-hating and “other” hating are the same thing. Whether you are hateful toward others or hating yourself directly, it’s self-hate. You are always the recipient.

obsession? How do I do that? What is the payoff for obsessing? Pretty soon you lose interest in that. You become bored with it because it’s not making you do anything. Then, maybe you turn your attention to boredom. What is boredom? How do I do that? What is the payoff for being bored? And you just sit there. Eventually, it all begins to quiet down

Not wanting to be how you are is one of the most significant aspects of self-hate.

If I find the willingness to pay attention anyway, to struggle through all the self-hating voices; if I learn just to sit still through all of it and not be thrown off, the next level I encounter is fear (2). I’ve made it past the distractions, I’m being compassionate with myself, and then there’s this little moment of silence…What do I get? Fear.