There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

Almost Nobody Wants to Grow Up. We think it’s too hard. We would rather focus on what’s wrong with us and why we can’t do anything about it. We don’t want to take care of ourselves because that means giving up the wish to be taken care of by someone else. “I want my mother to do it. She should have done it but she didn’t. I’m going to stay stuck ri

“Yes, but look what happens to kids!” Life is life with or without the illusion of control. Children feel the pain of life. Pain and suffering are not the same thing. Suffering happens when we are taught to believe that what is happening to us is wrong and a mistake, and we should have prevented it. We learn to think of life as reward and punishmen

that, thankfully, has been keeping the personality level from working! (Ours is a spiritual practice and does not have as its goal living a successfully egocentric life.) So here I am at level 4 and I’m trying to become the perfect person, and level 3 is pointing out to me that it’s not working. I’m going to “improve” myself and self-hate doesn’t l

If I find the willingness to pay attention anyway, to struggle through all the self-hating voices; if I learn just to sit still through all of it and not be thrown off, the next level I encounter is fear (2). I’ve made it past the distractions, I’m being compassionate with myself, and then there’s this little moment of silence…What do I get? Fear.

Experiences do move along quickly when we’re present and not resisting. It’s when we stop being present and get stuck in something that we can drag it out forever.

HOLDING GRUDGES You review old hurts and injustices rather than being present to yourself now. NOT BEING ABLE TO RECEIVE Gifts, compliments, help, favors, praise, etc., are things you have difficulty allowing yourself to have. SEEING WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYTHING

Voices: Listen, but Don’t Believe If the voices in your head are saying, for example, that you’re a bad spiritual student, you’re a bad meditator, you fidget, and your mind wanders, at some point you could identify that as self-hate and let go of it. But, if you start thinking what a good meditator you are, what a good spiritual person you are, how

GUIDE: Yes. Self-hate is terrified that you will make being kind to yourself a habit. It comes down to this for me: None of my heroes (and all my heroes are religious types) ever says, “The important thing in the universe is to be at one with fear and inadequacy.”

True Nature, the peace, the joy, the comfort. We know when that’s there, and we know when it’s not. It’s like discord in a relationship with someone I love. I am going to turn my attention to that until that lack of harmony is gone and peace, joy and comfort are back. I don’t say, “I’ll look at that later.” I want to look at it NOW! I don’t want to