There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

obsession? How do I do that? What is the payoff for obsessing? Pretty soon you lose interest in that. You become bored with it because it’s not making you do anything. Then, maybe you turn your attention to boredom. What is boredom? How do I do that? What is the payoff for being bored? And you just sit there. Eventually, it all begins to quiet down

Adopting the belief that you must be perfect is the perfect set up for self-hate. You believe that your choices are to be perfect or to be a failure. BUT SELF-HATE SETS THE STANDARD OF PERFECTION and you can bet you are never going to meet that standard. If you did, if you met that standard, what would self-hate beat you with? What would it frighte

The process of socialization teaches us: -to assume there is something wrong with us -to look for the flaws in ourselves -to judge the “flaws” when we find them -to hate ourselves for being the way we are -to punish ourselves until we change We’ve been taught that this is what good people do. Socialization does not teach us: -to love ourselves for

If a voice is not speaking compassionately, it has nothing worthwhile to tell you. Everything you need to know will come to you in compassion.

Self-Hate Accounting: The “Insufficient Funds” Rule STUDENT: Why do I never feel that I have been good enough and generous enough? I try and try but this little nagging guilty feeling is always here. GUIDE: Good question. I look at this a lot. It’s just so pervasive in human experience. I was talking about it earlier and gave this example: You go a

If the voice is not loving,

When you don’t hate yourself, you won’t be chronically late, be chronically early, procrastinate, work compulsively, abuse substances, deprive yourself, depress your feelings, try to be perfect, worry too much, worry about worrying too much, depend on others’ approval, believe The Judge, reject The Judge, punish yourself, overindulge yourself, pass

So I come back to level 3, self-hate, and I see that self-hate is pretty handy because it works in both directions. I can go from fear to self-hate, and I can go from personality to self-hate. It’s flexible.

Get comfortable saying, “I love you” to yourself and say it many times each day. Make and listen to an I love you recording.

learn once that you don’t have to react that way, you’re free of it. You prove to yourself that you won’t die and you won’t go crazy and parts of your body won’t fall off. You can just be there and be perfectly fine. Then something hurts and you can sit through that. It just becomes interesting. You’re not resisting it any more. It’s just kind of f