A recent lover shared a framework with me called relationship anarchy, which is the most precise articulation I’ve come across so far of my approach to love and sex, basing connection in trust, freedom, change, and honest communication.

There is no justice in love, no proportion in it, and there need not be, because in any specific instance it is only a glimpse or parable of an embracing, incomprehensible reality. It makes no sense at all because it is the eternal breaking in on the temporal. So how could it subordinate itself to cause or consequence?

When we love we always risk the possibility of loss—by criticism, rejection, separation, and ultimately death—regardless of how hard we try to defend against it. Introducing uncertainty sometimes requires nothing more than letting go of the illusion of certitude. In this shift of perception, we recognize the inherent mystery of our partner.

I am convinced that love cannot be a gift given on the basis of a complete lack of risk.