The Trusted Advisor

Through the following kinds of behaviors (which both represent and help create an inner state of client focus): 1. Letting the client fill in the empty spaces 2. Asking the client to talk about what’s behind an issue 3. Using open-ended questions 4. Not giving answers until the right is earned to do so (and the client will let you know when you hav

additional ways of making sure self-orientation stays low: Talk to your client as if he or she is a friend. Even if clients are not actually our friends, we can be friendly with them. Our conversational tone and tenor can be (we would argue, has to be) one of friendship. We’re concerned about our friends and their well-being, and it shows in our co

following list reveals how many “threats” there are to client focus (and temptations for self-orientation): 1. Selfishness 2. Self-consciousness 3. A need to appear on top of things 4. A desire to look intelligent 5. A to-do list on our mind that is a mile long 6. A desire to jump to the solution 7. A desire to win that exceeds the desire to help t

Clients recognize excessive self-orientation through such things as: 1. A tendency to relate their stories to ourselves 2. A need to too quickly finish their sentences for them 3. A need to fill empty spaces in conversations 4. A need to appear clever, bright, witty, etc. 5. An inability to provide a direct answer to a direct question 6. An unwilli

no greater source of distrust than advisors who appear to be more interested in themselves than in trying to be of service to the client. We must work hard to show that our self-orientation is under control.

most egregious form of self-orientation is, of course, simple selfishness, being “in it for the money.”

few suggestions: 1. Be not afraid! Creating intimacy requires courage, not just for you, but for everyone. Chances are, you’ve had at least some degree of success in forming intimate relationships at some time in your life. It’s the same thing here. 2. People in senior positions appreciate candor, but candor isn’t necessarily intimacy, and they val

Intimacy is about “emotional closeness” concerning the issues at hand, so it is obviously the most overtly emotional of the four trust equation components. It is driven by emotional honesty, a willingness to expand the bounds of acceptable topics, while maintaining mutual respect and by respecting boundaries. Greater intimacy means that fewer subje

recognize that clumsy attempts to establish intimacy too soon could backfire. Perhaps it comes from a vendor who assumes we share his passion for golf; or a dinner invitation we put off with “Yes, let’s do that, sometime,” or a sharing of personal experiences that is more information than we want to know.