The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage

There’s one more action you can take to reduce the chances of divorce, and it’s remarkably simple: premarital counseling. It has been shown to substantially increase marital quality and reduce the odds of divorce, though for some reason fewer than 30 percent of engaged couples capitalize on this easy safety measure (Tambling and Glebova 2013).

Divorce is something to be discussed before marriage, and that discussion needs to include whatever assets each of you may need to protect. The time to consult with attorneys is when you’re combining your assets at the beginning, not when you’re dividing them at the end.

Be especially curious about her history with parents, family, and exes. Not only will it make you a more informed partner, it will make you a more interesting one.

Don’t be proud about asking her whether she needs a fixer or a listener. Smart people ask questions.

Punishing you for inquiring about her needs is a serious red flag. It puts you in a no-win situation, and it may be a harbinger of many no-win situations to come.

Luckily, the fix is easy: Simply ask her what she needs. Does she want you to connect with her and provide an empathetic ear, or is she looking for your opinion?

Here’s another great Patton quote: “Never let the enemy pick the battle site.” I take that to mean we should take the initiative so problems don’t sneak up on

Think back to the research we discussed concerning anxiety. Women tend to focus on feelings in order to make sense of the situation, while men tend to focus on taking action. Neither is better or worse, they’re just different. Unfortunately, it’s one of the most common sources of friction in couples.

Good relationships involve mutual growth. They don’t involve dragging your partner kicking and screaming toward the person you hope she can be.