The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

Perel argues that marriages fail because we expect our partner to give us “what once an entire village used to provide.” Perel says we put it on one person to “give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give m

Imaginons que quelqu’un soit trompé par son partenaire. Le contrat social sacré qui liait ces deux personnes a été brisé. Les actes ont plus de poids que les mots, et une trahison vient bouleverser la paix fragile et soigneusement établie d’une relation intime. Après une infidélité, on est assailli par une série d’émotions épouvantables : le dégoût

When we marry, we still find ourselves looking down rows of appealing people, having to choose the same one, year after year. I’ve begun to suspect that fidelity is less a problem you solve than a chronic condition you manage with willpower and strategy—a decision to skip drinks, to tell the body no, or not again, or definitely only twice more.