
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

It is actually a sophisticated self-protective mechanism known as trauma denial—a type of self-delusion that we employ when too much is at stake and we have too much to lose.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
This kind of avoidance is not an act of idiocy but an act of self-preservation.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
The shift from shame to guilt is crucial. Shame is a state of self-absorption, while guilt is an empathic, relational response, inspired by the hurt you have caused another.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
We used to get married and have sex for the first time. Now we get married and we stop having sex with others.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Hence we no longer divorce because we’re unhappy; we divorce because we could be happier.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
It’s no surprise that this utopian vision is gathering a growing army of the disenchanted in its wake.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Not only do we have endless demands, but on top of it all we want to be happy. That was once reserved for the afterlife.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Marital intimacy has become the sovereign antidote for lives of growing atomization.
Esther Perel • The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now monogamy means one person at a time.