For instance, we may “defend” ourselves in our current relationship based on criticism we received from past partners, as in the case of our friend with wounds around finances.

Once you have identified the feelings you want to feel, ask yourself what action steps you can take to bring more of these desired feelings into your life.

When we bring respect and curiosity, we learn it's okay to both love and enjoy the places where we have similarities and also love the differences. Recognize that no relationship will be in alignment 100 percent of the time. If you are always in agreement, it probably means that one or the other of you is not saying what is true in order to keep

If there are any issues that you and your partner need to talk about, in most cases we advise diving into those before sex. Talking can help you clear any emotions or difficulty that can preoccupy you during sexual activity.

Something amazing happens when we consciously create things in our lives, as doing so can make you feel alive and connected in a way that nothing else will. Consciously creating means that you set out with the intention of doing or making something new, something that the very process of doing excites you and makes your heart sing.

it's also true that your emotions play a big part in helping you feel connected to your partner. For instance, if you are holding on to any resentment, fear, or silent anger, these can shut down your sense of desire. When we engage in sex from this state of mind, it often results in what we call surface sex—where your bodies come together on the

the more time we spend together, the more we can be tricked into believing that we have a big enough body of knowledge to “really know what's going on.”

Assumptions, judgments, and other mental activities all come together in the stories our mind cobbles together about what we perceive. The judgments and assumptions we make are based on a variety of things: our personalities, our past experiences, our hopes and wounds, and, of course, our unexplored domestications.

In this example, our student was not only crushed by the actions of her fiancé, but she also used this as a reason to turn on herself and berated herself for “not being enough.”