The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
John Gottmanamazon.com
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
85 percent of heterosexual marriages, the stonewaller is the husband. This is not because of some lack on the man’s part. The reason lies in our evolutionary heritage. Anthropological evidence suggests that we evolved from hominids whose lives were circumscribed by very rigid gender roles, since these were advantageous to survival in a harsh enviro
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Betrayal is, fundamentally, any act or life choice that doesn’t prioritize the commitment and put the partner “before all others.”
John Gottman • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Betrayal is, fundamentally, any act or life choice that doesn’t prioritize the commitment and put the partner “before all others.
John Gottman • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
So if you begin a discussion that way, you might as well pull the plug, take a breather, and start over.
John Gottman • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Usually people stonewall as a protection against feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed, a sensation we call flooding. It occurs when your spouse’s negativity is so intense and sudden that it leaves you shell-shocked. You feel so defenseless against this sniper attack that you learn to do anything to avoid a replay. The more often you f
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will take far more negativity to harm your relationship than if your “set point” were lower. And if your relationship becomes overwhelmingly negative, it will be more difficult to repair.
John Gottman • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Couples who are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illnesses (colds, flu, and so on) than other people.
John Gottman • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage. Plenty of lifelong relationships happily survive even though they sidestep confrontation. Never in forty years of marriage have Allan and Betty sat down to have a “dialogue” about their relationship. Neither could tell you what a “validating” statement is. When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN
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Once your marriage gets “set” at a high degree of positivity, it will take far more negativity to harm your relationship than if your “set point” were lower. And if your relationship becomes overwhelmingly negative, it will be more difficult to repair.