The Science of Likability: 27 Studies to Master Charisma, Attract Friends, Captivate People, and Take Advantage of Human Psychology

Ask them for something that will take no longer or shorter than three minutes. Don’t burden them unnecessarily, but don’t make it seem like you are hopeless and helpless.

People do not like to be in somebody else’s debt. People do not like to feel that their friend is giving them more than they give their friend. Loudly seeking equity in friendships and creating equal status avoids issues like that. Our egalitarian natures lead us to expecting others to hold up their end of the bargain. In other words, since you and

The latter pair were investigating Benjamin Franklin’s claim that he could easily turn an enemy into a friend with one simple act—asking them for a favor.

According to studies, it is actually easier to turn an enemy into a friend than you realize, and they may not even realize that it’s happening. They’ll just notice they have fewer and fewer negative feelings toward you and less of a compulsion to curse your name. Sometimes that’s as good as anything.

Walster, Walster, and Berscheid proposed the theory of equal relationships in 1978. They investigated how relationships rife with inequity functioned and found that the best and happiest relationships have an internal score sheet as to who is sacrificing and serving more. In these relationships, both sides sought to keep it equal. As mentioned, peo

Underlying everything is the fact that people hate feeling guilty (when they take too much) and also hate feeling taken advantage of (when they give too much). If there is inequality in any measure, both parties will feel one of those emotions.

We are constantly at war between these two conflicting desires: for the most possible and for relative equality. Therefore, one of the foundations of friendship is a feeling of equality.

making someone act for you, at their detriment, can make them like you more.

Here’s the thing about transactions: they only feel good if they are relatively equal. One-sided deals or relationships feel bad. We’re happiest when the give and take, or cost and benefit, are roughly equal.