The Science of Likability: 27 Studies to Master Charisma, Attract Friends, Captivate People, and Take Advantage of Human Psychology

Why do we do this? Because we are instinctually seeking out similarities and common ground. We want to find a connection and point of reference from which to evaluate other people as quickly as possible so we know whom we are talking to. We make judgments on people very quickly, and if they are similar to us, our judgments will tend to be more posi

If you see any situations where you benefit more, call them out publicly and make sure to rectify them as soon as possible. This makes the other person know that you pay your debts as soon as possible and are trustworthy and that you actively care about them and don’t want to cheat them. Of course, this also removes the burden of feeling taken adva

People do not like to be in somebody else’s debt. People do not like to feel that their friend is giving them more than they give their friend. Loudly seeking equity in friendships and creating equal status avoids issues like that. Our egalitarian natures lead us to expecting others to hold up their end of the bargain. In other words, since you and

Underlying everything is the fact that people hate feeling guilty (when they take too much) and also hate feeling taken advantage of (when they give too much). If there is inequality in any measure, both parties will feel one of those emotions.

At least, mentally. Keeping score as to the equality of your relationships will make you more likable. When you externally acknowledge equity theory and make it known you are fighting your human tendency to take as much as possible, people will take notice. If you can keep yourself accountable and actively seek to even the score, you become more li

We are constantly at war between these two conflicting desires: for the most possible and for relative equality. Therefore, one of the foundations of friendship is a feeling of equality.

Walster, Walster, and Berscheid proposed the theory of equal relationships in 1978. They investigated how relationships rife with inequity functioned and found that the best and happiest relationships have an internal score sheet as to who is sacrificing and serving more. In these relationships, both sides sought to keep it equal. As mentioned, peo

Here’s the thing about transactions: they only feel good if they are relatively equal. One-sided deals or relationships feel bad. We’re happiest when the give and take, or cost and benefit, are roughly equal.

But in reality, people subconsciously evaluate their relationships based on how much value they get from such relationships.